Have you met people who seem to be reading all the books, listening to all the audio motivations, practicing affirmations daily, attending all the seminars and even having regular life coaching sessions with coaches but still doesn’t seem to be progressing anywhere in their lives?
Or maybe they are doing everything they can, they are ‘putting in the hours’, working on their daily grind, yet they always hit a plateau that they cannot surpass and it is very exhausting to them.
That’s because of most of the stuff taught in personal development does not address the real issue of consciousness that a person is having and their overall attitude towards it.
Throughout years of personal development work, I notice that there are generally 4 types of people who pursue personal development – an overarching categories of people you will see in the seminars or people who read the same books you are reading, yet the results each person gets from each group is astoundingly different.
People tend to fall into 4 groups of people:
- The to me group
- The by me group (if it’s to be, it’s up to me)
- The through me group
- The as me group
To Me – Everything Happens To Me And That’s Why I’m The Justified Victim
Before a person starts out on a personal development or conscious growth journey, they might see events in life happening TO THEM and that is why they start out in the to me category.
To me people are typified by the victim mentality.
You’ll hear someone say, “I was brought up by my dead-beat parents, no wonder I am who I am today.” or “It’s all because of the economy or the president/leader – if they didn’t mess things up, things would be a whole lot different for me.” or “God doesn’t answer my prayers that’s why I don’t believe in anything.”
To me mentality is prevalent in society where people basically say, it’s not my fault – it’s them and they are making things happen to me so I am justified in complaining and not taking responsibility or action for anything in my life.
Here’s something even more shocking…
These same people might even wind up reading personal development books, attending all the seminars, but when things go wrong, you will hear them say things like:
- I tried this and this course and it didn’t work for me
- It’s no different from this other thing and it’s not working for me again
- I am going to give this a try but if it doesn’t work I’ll ask for a refund
- Personal development teachers are all the same trying to scam you
As long as they are not willing to own up to their victim / blaming mentality, they will always be unhappy, ungrateful and not being able to progress anywhere in life.
They will never move forward because they give their personal power away to other people and will never grow as a result.
The moment they are able to own up to their personal power is when they start to step into the next phase which is the…
By Me – If It’s To Be, It’s Up To Me So Life Is All About Hustle!
When a person is able to move away from the to me state into the by me state, it is when they are able to hone into their personal power and start making a solid difference in their life.
They begin to take life by the horns and steer it in the way they want to.
They start to harness the power of willpower – because I can do it and only I can do it.
Sounds good, right?
Definitely – it’s built upon more conscious choice compared to the previous group because you are claiming your personal power.
Think of it as moving from dependence to independency.
A lot of self-made men or entrepreneurs fall into this category too.
They call it the daily grind – they believe they have to keep hustling.
They also believe that people who do not exert their willpower are weak and only talk about theory.
They like people to think they are action takers.
But there are a couple of drawbacks for being in this state.
By me is practically maintained by constant energy.
They are more driven by results rather than the process – the destination rather than the journey.
They set goals but their joy is sapped because once they achieve the goal, they set bigger goals without enjoying the fruits of their labor.
That is why things become really tiring after awhile.
A lot of people in this stage knows nothing other than the daily grind so they climb the ladder of success relentlessly without realizing that it is leaning against the wrong wall.
In the end, they scale the mountain of success only to jump off it because they don’t like being there.
The by me phase is also very image centered – they could be afraid that others would perceive their lack of hustling will make people think they have become a ‘has-been.’
It’s like their fear being unmasked is so great that they just keep going like a bulldozer.
There are also people who are new to the by me phase often also slip back into to me when things go wrong.
Granted, this phase is still a much better phase than the to me phase, but there is a better one – a lighter one… it is called…
Through Me – I Surrender To The Flow Of The Moment!
There is a better way than by me and it is called through me.
These are people who not only enjoy the destination but the journey as well.
Some people call it as being in the ‘flow’ state.
In this flow state, they are much happier, lighter and free flowing.
Unlike the by me state where they force themselves to hustle daily by having an virtual adrenaline shot into their arm to keep the motivation up.
In this state, being in the flow sets one up for flowing with the stream rather than against it.
They stop wrestling with life and embrace life.
Their relationships becomes more joyous unlike some by me’s who live imbalanced life with relentless pursuit of their goals and everything else becomes irrelevant (family, friends, their health…)
In through me, marketing is more of pull rather than by me’s push marketing.
Doors open effortless like as opportunities pop up like mushrooms.
Instead of having an adrenaline shot, they receive energy from life itself so they stop micromanaging the world around them.
In short, the flow state enables them to create their reality as reality works through me making each day’s work a joy and the world is their playground.
As Me – enlightenment?
Very few people in the world are at this stage – for at this stage is a complete elimination of ego – material desires hardly ever concern people at this stage and they have reached a state of ‘zen’.
How does these phases tie in with the Law of Attraction?
It is interesting to see how people in each phase practice the Law of Attraction.
To me mentalities tend to blame the Law of Attraction.
They blame the universe for not backing them up, or they wind up blaming themselves for having all these ‘manifestation blocks’ and that is why they can’t get what they want in life.
Their attraction is very passive – they hardly take any concrete action and their manifestation is no better than wishful thinking.
By me manifestations seem to work a little bit better because the power of their intention is really strong.
They push hard for what they want but sometimes they work themselves up so much that they think the illusion of willpower is the be-all and end-all.
When they don’t get what they want, they push even harder by trying to purge out all their blocks in their neurology, work harder to manifest things or even try to micromanage the universe.
Through me is the best Law of Attraction state you can be in.
You set your intention, take the necessary action and allow the universe to take it’s course.
Instead of micromanaging it which is mostly based out of fear, you lovingly allow the universe to show you signs and work with the resources that pops up.
Once again it is about being in the state of bliss and joyful creation that will help you to enjoy the ride of life.
Life Visioning is a process that talks about people who’re dissatisfied with modern goal-setting which leads to so many of us waking up one day in our 40s and beyond wondering what on earth happened to our life.
When we do not do what our soul wants to do but what society wants to do, it is very easy to fall into the states of to me and by me which is a daily constant grind and ‘goal setting fatigue’.
We climb the ladder of success only to realize that it is leaning against the wrong wall.
It is time to forget society and to start listening to your spirit.
When you can vision the best and most ideal life for yourself, only will you be able to transcend all the lower states and become one with the universe – the as me!